In 2015, foster carers Bruce Collins*, his wife Emma and their three birth children, 14 year-old Joe*, 12 year-old Sam* and Ed* who was eight, returned to Cumbria after living in France, and decided to re-embark on their fostering journey. The experience changed their lives, their birth children’s lives and the lives of the vulnerable children and young people they welcomed into their home as a foster family. There are currently over 82,000 children in care in the UK, Bruce and Emma are urging others to follow suit and change lives.
Bruce explained, ‘Emma and I first began fostering back in 1998, following the tragic loss of our first born, Jessica, at just 11 hours old, due to an undetected rare condition affecting her lung development. A few months later, out of this complete devastation, and with us both primed with all that untapped capacity emotionally and logistically to care for a child in our home, we enquired about short term and emergency fostering with the local authority.
‘Two days after we were approved we received our first emergency placement. Emma called me at work to say we had been asked if we could look after two siblings, 4 months and 18 months old. They arrived at the door at 6pm that evening – and that was the start of our wonderful adventure.
‘It was a steep learning curve, but every single day of the three months those two little ones spent with us, was educational, fun, rewarding and a little bit hectic too. Our total focus was on making sure they were as comfortable as they could be, given they were not with their mum. Plans to get the family back together eventually came to fruition. That first experience of being a parent was amazing, but even more so, was the experience of providing two young children with a safe, secure, caring and calm environment, whilst their social worker helped resolve the issues facing their parents.
‘We went on to foster older children – a teenage girl who we looked after for 4 months, followed by a nine year old lad. Ian* stayed with us for 9 months and then returned to the care of his mum. Ian’s now in his late 30s and still keeps in touch. When he visits, with his young daughter, we sit and share stories and laughter about his time with us. He sees it as a positive experience at a time when his own family life was chaotic, and really appreciates the support he received when he needed it most.
‘Three years into fostering and we fell pregnant once more. Life took us to France and we spent the next 14 years raising our own three boys. Fostering was put on hold but we always reminisced about our experiences, the challenges and accomplishments.
‘On our return to the UK, Emma and I wanted to get back into fostering but recognised that this time would be different – we had the boys to consider – we would be fostering as a family!
‘With the boys in mind we decided to offer long term fostering. The first teenage lad who came to stay, lived with us for 18 months. Against all expectations, he couldn’t settle and our children were also struggling. Sometimes this happens, but it’s always a learning process, and everyone involved with this young man’s care was more aware of his needs and a better match was found. Recently we met up again – he came round for some help and guidance with a job application.
‘Next, came Dan*, who has been with us for 5½ years and will be with us through to adulthood, in fact, for as long as he chooses to be. He’s in college now and doing great. Whilst we would like to think how much Dan* has benefitted from being with us, we never underestimate the influence and experience he has brought to our family. We have all learned a lot about tolerance, judgement, bias, and first impressions. None of us ‘sweat the small stuff’, we keep everything in perspective and focus on the important things.
‘Our birth children have far more understanding about what life for many others is really like. They appreciate the home environment in which they’ve been brought up, and the opportunities that has brought to them. Fostering benefits everyone in our home – everyone puts in, and everyone gets something out of providing care and support to a child or young person who needs it.’
Bruce and Emma recently took part in the National Fostering Group’s campaign ‘It’s because of you’ urging others to come forward and provide safe, nurturing homes for children in need in Cumbria and the North West.
*Names have been changed for safeguarding purposes.
If you would like to make a real difference to the lives of vulnerable children and young people in your local community by becoming a foster carer, visit National Fostering Group today and start your highly rewarding fostering adventure!
